There is a joyful sadness that has settled in over my heart this day as I watched my mother who has reached the grand age of 91 struggle with her words in her attempts to share her thoughts. She openly admits her frustration at not being able to speak what is on her mind. Is this what we have to look forward to as we age is the question I ponder this night.
I think the hardest part is each time I come to visit her memory is slowly disappearing. Today was likely the hardest as she struggled to remember who I was. Over the years I have been told that I ressemble my Dad in many ways. It has been 6 yeas since he passed away. Today as Mom looked deeply at me and traced her hands over my features she saw Dad in me and broke out in tears many times and called me by his name. It is comforting to know there is still some recognition there for the man she spent 63 years with as a married couple.
For those of you who know me my childhood was not the best and my relationship with Mom was strained at times and yet there was a mutual understanding of love, especially over the past several years. Tonight as I have been thinking of this I realize her concern was over my welfare was all she had during those hard years. You see I certainly drifted of of the expected life path for several years. There were many prayers lifted for me during those years. In 2000 I finally found the way I had been searching for and gave my life to the Lord.
I recall many a prayer as a child where Mom and Dad would pray that God grant them a son or daughter who would become a priest or a nun. It was to happen but not in the faith they had been raised in. I was ordained as a Pastor a few years later and led both of them to the Lord. Even today as I was visiting I took Mom out to listen to a gospel group singing and found the memory may be slipping but the spirit that lives within Mom is still alive and well as she sang some old familiar hymns.
For those who have seen the loss of memory of a parent I know it is hard to witness. Take peace in knowing deep inside they understand and wait for those moments od clarity when they speak of what really is within. It is those times where we can find peace and be filled with joy.
© Rolly A. Chabot